Community Guidelines

What this is for

Wisteria exists for belonging. For being seen as you actually are, by people who do not need it explained. For the ordinary business of a social life — reading a feed, going to a thing on a Friday, knowing who else will be there, having someone to talk to afterwards.

It is not a hookup app and it is not a transactional matching service. There is nothing to buy that gets you more attention. What you get out of it is what you put into it, which is how community has always worked.

A lot of what makes this community good is unglamorous: turning up, being warm to new people, letting a conversation be a conversation. If you bring that here, you will do well. If you are here to collect people, you will not.

Treat people like people

The baseline is simple, and we hold it firmly.

• No harassment. Do not pursue someone who has stopped replying, do not create a second account to get around a block, do not pile on, and do not follow someone from screen to screen after they have made it clear they are done.
• No threats, intimidation or stalking — here or anywhere else about someone you met here.
• No hate. Attacking people for their race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, disability, body, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation or relationship structure ends an account. Kink-shaming and structure-shaming — sneering at how somebody else does their relationships — are not welcome either.
• No is a complete answer. A declined chat request, an unanswered message, a slow reply, a changed mind — none of these owe you an explanation, and asking for one twice is already too many times.
• Be careful with people who are new. A lot of members here are early in this and are nervous. How they are treated in their first month decides whether they stay. That is a real responsibility and it belongs to all of us.

Consent is a practice

Wisteria has some consent built into the software: a couple or group card exists only once each person on it has accepted the invitation, and any one of you can hide it or take it out of discovery on your own, at any moment, without touching anything else. That is the floor, not the ceiling. The settings are there so the software cannot betray you. They cannot make anybody decent.

• Ask, then believe the answer. Enthusiasm is the standard, not the absence of a refusal.
• Consent is specific, and it expires. Yes to a conversation is not yes to photos. Yes last month is not yes tonight. Yes to one person is not yes to their partner.
• Never pressure anyone into being visible. Do not push a partner to accept a shared card, do not ask repeatedly, and do not treat a private or hidden setting as a problem to be solved. Someone appearing quietly — or not appearing at all — is a legitimate way to be here, and for some members it is the only way they can be here at all.
• Do not accept a card invitation on someone else’s behalf, and do not ask someone to agree for a third person. Every person speaks for themselves.
• A changed setting is not an accusation. Anyone on a shared card can hide it or change who sees it without asking the others, and the others are not sent a notice. It is not your business to work out who did it. Do not interrogate people about it.

Photos and what you share

• No nudity on your first profile photo — the one everyone sees. Ever. This is an absolute rule with no exceptions, ever, for any member, verified or not. Clothed, swimwear, lingerie and costume photography is fine and always has been.
• No sex acts, pornography or offers of sexual services anywhere on Wisteria, including chats. On the feed, profiles and club pages, mature photos are shown only to adult members who have turned mature content on (on iPhone at wisteriasocial.com/account, on Android in the app’s settings).
• No unsolicited explicit content. Do not send it, do not lead with it, do not treat an accepted chat request as permission for it. Ask first, in words, and accept a no gracefully. Unsolicited explicit images are one of the fastest ways to lose an account here. Every photo sent in a conversation gets an automated mature-content check: one it marks as mature arrives covered for anyone who has not turned on Allow mature content. That cover is a safety net, not permission — the check misses things, and asking first is still on you.
• Post only photos you have the right to post. Everyone visible in them must be an adult who agreed to be there — including partners, including people in the background, including people whose face is partly obscured.
• Never share someone else’s images or messages outside Wisteria. No screenshots, no saving, no forwarding, no reposting to another platform. Sharing an intimate image of someone without their permission is among the most serious harms possible here and is grounds for immediate, permanent removal — and in many places it is also a crime.
• No intimate images shared without consent. Never post or send a sexual or intimate image of anyone who has not agreed to it being shared here. If an intimate image of you is on Wisteria without your consent, report it in the app with the reason “An intimate image of me, shared without consent”, or ask for it to be taken down at wisteriasocial.com/remove — you do not need an account. We act on every request within 24 hours, and identical copies come down with it.
• No content sexualising anyone under 18, in any form, without exception. We check every photo automatically against the standard industry databases of known illegal images and report what we find to the authorities.

Be who you say you are

You do not have to use your legal name here — you should not, and Wisteria never displays one. Aliases are the norm and privacy is expected. What we ask is something different: do not misrepresent yourself.

• Your photos should be of you, and recent enough to be honest.
• A single person must not present as a couple. This one has a name in this community and everybody knows it. It is corrosive because the whole point of Wisteria is that a grouping on a card is a real grouping that every person in it agreed to. Faking that empties the thing of its meaning. It is one of the specific patterns we look for, and it ends accounts.
• Do not claim a verification, a club membership or a relationship you do not have.
• Do not create an account for someone else, or run someone else’s account for them.
• Do not collect people’s photos. Creating an account to harvest images — to repost them, to catalogue them, to feed them anywhere else — is the single most damaging thing anyone does to this community, because the harm cannot be undone and it lands on somebody who did nothing wrong. We sweep for this pattern deliberately.

Discretion

Never disclose — to anyone, anywhere, at any time — another member’s identity, their presence on Wisteria, their relationships, their identity or orientation, their health status, or the fact that they were at a particular event. Not to a mutual friend. Not to a partner. Not as gossip. Not because you assumed it was already known.

• What you see here stays here. Names, faces, who was with whom, who was where.
• Do not photograph or film people at events without their explicit permission, and follow the club’s rules on cameras, which are usually stricter.
• Do not connect someone’s Wisteria presence to their life elsewhere — do not tag them, do not add them on another platform, do not mention them, do not search for them.
• If you recognise someone, say nothing. Not to them in front of others, and not to anyone afterwards. Let them decide whether to acknowledge you.
• Do not use anything you learn here against anyone, in a dispute, a workplace, a court, or an argument.

Deliberately exposing a member results in immediate and permanent removal, and we will assist the person affected however we can.

Nobody under 18

Wisteria is 18+. No one under 18 may hold an account, appear in content, or be brought into anything on this platform. We check age at signup using the date of birth you give us, and we act on every report as a priority.

Each club sets its own minimum age on its own application form, and it may be higher than ours. A club’s rule is the club’s to set.

If you believe someone on Wisteria is under 18, report it in the app or write to admin@wisteriasocial.com. You do not need to be sure. Tell us anyway, and let us look.

This is not a marketplace

• No commercial solicitation. No advertising, no promoting other apps or platforms, no recruiting, no multi-level marketing, no selling anything to other members.
• No sex work solicitation or escort advertising. This is not a judgement of anyone’s work; it is simply not what this platform is, and it is not permitted here.
• No selling, buying or transferring tickets. Clubs sell their own tickets inside the app. There is no resale on Wisteria and no member-to-member transfer.
• No spam or bulk messaging, no automated accounts, no scripts, no bots.
• No scams. Anyone who steers a conversation toward money, crypto, investments, gift cards or an emergency they need help with is running one. Do not send money to someone you met here. Report them and block them. When we ban someone for fraud, everyone who was in a conversation or a chat request with them is told — in the app, and by email if they have confirmed one — that someone they were in contact with was removed for fraud, with that person’s username.

At clubs and events

Clubs on Wisteria are independent venues with their own rules, their own staff and their own standards. Those rules come first when you are on their premises.

• Follow the venue’s rules on conduct, dress, photography and consent. If they differ from ours, theirs apply in their space.
• Talk to the venue’s staff first if something goes wrong at an event. They are there, and they can act immediately. Then tell us, so it is on the record here too.
• What happens at an event is not content. Do not post about who was there, and do not describe other people’s evenings in a way that identifies them.
• A ticket is not an obligation — not to attend, not to stay, and not to anybody who is also there.

Unfollow, disconnect, block

Leaving is a normal, ordinary thing to do and it should be easy. Wisteria gives you three separate, escalating actions, and we never send the other person a notice about any of them.

1. Unfollow. Their posts leave your feed. Nothing else changes. The gentlest option and often the right one.
2. Disconnect. Drops both follows and closes your one-to-one conversation at once. If you share a couple or group card, it stays, but its door between the two of you is held shut, so nobody is left connected through a door they believed they had shut. Afterwards the other person may ask once more — one follow request and one chat request — and if you dismiss it, that is the end of it. Only an ask you accept brings you back in touch.
3. Block. A wall between two people. Everything a disconnect does, and you also vanish from each other completely — profiles, posts and search, both ways. If the two of you share a couple card, blocking dissolves it. Unblocking lifts only the wall; it never puts a card back together.

In a conversation between two people, Leave ends it for both of you; either of you can start a new one later. And Unlink dissolves a couple card and nothing else.

You never owe anyone an explanation for any of the three.

How to report someone

Report and block are available everywhere in the app — a profile, a post, a comment, a photo, a message, or a chat request. You can add a note; it helps, but it is not required.

• Reporting is private. The person you report is never told who reported them.
• You can block at the same time, and you do not have to wait for an outcome to do it.
• You do not need proof. Tell us what happened and let us investigate.
• If an intimate image of you is here without your consent, choose the reason “An intimate image of me, shared without consent”, or use wisteriasocial.com/remove, which needs no account. We act on it within 24 hours.
• For anything urgent, or anything involving a minor, a threat, or a non-consensual image, write to admin@wisteriasocial.com as well — that address is monitored directly.
• If someone is in immediate danger, call your local emergency services first. Then tell us.

How enforcement works

Because membership here is open, we run automated checks for the patterns behind spam, scams and image harvesting. What the checks flag goes to a queue, and the queue is worked by people. Nothing on Wisteria issues an automatic ban, because a false accusation against a real member of this community is itself a serious harm, and the signals are only ever suggestive. The one automatic step is a pause: if several different people report the same account within a few hours, it is paused until a person has looked. Only a person lifts the pause or decides anything more.

Depending on what we find, we may:

• Remove a piece of content, and tell the person why.
• Restrict a feature for a period.
• Suspend an account while we look into something.
• Remove an account permanently.
• Report the matter to law enforcement where the law requires it.

We take the whole picture into account: what happened, whether it was a first time, and whether there is a pattern. Some things skip all of that — content sexualising minors, credible threats, sharing an intimate image without consent, and deliberately exposing another member end an account immediately.

A club barring someone from its venue does not automatically close their Wisteria account. It opens a case, and a person here reviews it on its own merits.

We also do not throttle honest members to inconvenience dishonest ones. No rate limits designed to slow everyone down, no artificial scarcity, no degrading the product to control abuse. We find the people causing harm and remove them instead. That is the deal, and the sweeps are what let us keep it.

If we get it wrong

We will sometimes get it wrong. When that happens we want to hear about it quickly.

Every notice about a decision of ours says why, and lets you appeal it from the app — once per decision. You can also write to admin@wisteriasocial.com from the account involved and tell us what you think we missed. A person will look at it again. If we made a mistake we will reverse it and say so plainly.

These Guidelines will change as this community grows and teaches us things. When they do, we will update the date at the top.